 The
five major family roles are:
The hero, the martyr,
the scapegoat, the lost child and
the mascot.
Adopting the hero role
is an attempt to do the very best, to shine the brightest
and to be the star in order to compensate for the guilt
and to save the family.
Martyrs lay
themselves down in sacrifice in their attempt to save
the family (this can lead to illness, injury, sexual
abuse or even death).
Scapegoats try
to help the family by getting into trouble and taking
all the negativity on to themselves. The family member
playing this role would be the one everyone considers
the family's 'problem person', 'bad guy' or black sheep'.
If a family's troubles are deep enough, the scapegoat
might even get into trouble with the law, which is
actually an attempt to call in outside help for the
family.
The lost child tries
to become invisible. He or she thinks that the best
gift they can give the family is to disappear, literally
or figuratively.
The mascot always
keeps the family entertained, and is the one everybody
in the family always loves. However, the mascot rarely
feels loved for her or himself, but rather for playing
this role and keeping the family entertained.
The more a family is exaggerated into
its roles, the more trouble it is in, and the more
dysfunctional it will be. As with the more general
roles discussed above, family roles are patterns of
giving without being able to receive.
Examine
which of these roles seems to be stopping you now.
In truth you will have played all of them, though
you may not recognise this at first.
You could either put the five family
roles on different pieces of paper and pick one (to
see the one your subconscious mind selects) or you
may already be aware of the one which applies to you.
Our roles are recipes for living which
stop our responsiveness and the giving or receiving
of our support. Ask today to be shown the truth, so
as to live authentically, happily, with ease and freedom
- all sure signs that you are not living your life
in roles.
If you recognise this dynamic in your
life you are being asked to look at areas where you
are doing things by recipe, or because you are 'supposed
to', rather than by choice.
You are being asked to live your life
with commitment and truth, to deal yourself back into
the game of life. With roles (for the most part) you
deal everyone else a winning hand, but don't even deal
yourself in the game.
A role becomes a block
against grace reaching you. Commitment, or giving
yourself fully, would resolve this.
by Chuck Spezzano from The Enlightenment
Pack. Copyright Spezzano Associates.
Having a problem with your family?
A coaching session with Pam who's an accredited Psychology of Vision Trainer can really help. See Coaching
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