The five major family roles are:
The hero, the martyr, the scapegoat, the lost child and the mascot.

Adopting the hero role is an attempt to do the very best, to shine the brightest and to be the star in order to compensate for the guilt and to save the family.

Martyrs lay themselves down in sacrifice in their attempt to save the family (this can lead to illness, injury, sexual abuse or even death).

Scapegoats try to help the family by getting into trouble and taking all the negativity on to themselves. The family member playing this role would be the one everyone considers the family's 'problem person', 'bad guy' or black sheep'. If a family's troubles are deep enough, the scapegoat might even get into trouble with the law, which is actually an attempt to call in outside help for the family.

The lost child tries to become invisible. He or she thinks that the best gift they can give the family is to disappear, literally or figuratively.

The mascot always keeps the family entertained, and is the one everybody in the family always loves. However, the mascot rarely feels loved for her or himself, but rather for playing this role and keeping the family entertained.

The more a family is exaggerated into its roles, the more trouble it is in, and the more dysfunctional it will be. As with the more general roles discussed above, family roles are patterns of giving without being able to receive.

Examine which of these roles seems to be stopping you now. In truth you will have played all of them, though you may not recognise this at first.

You could either put the five family roles on different pieces of paper and pick one (to see the one your subconscious mind selects) or you may already be aware of the one which applies to you.

Our roles are recipes for living which stop our responsiveness and the giving or receiving of our support. Ask today to be shown the truth, so as to live authentically, happily, with ease and freedom - all sure signs that you are not living your life in roles.

If you recognise this dynamic in your life you are being asked to look at areas where you are doing things by recipe, or because you are 'supposed to', rather than by choice.

You are being asked to live your life with commitment and truth, to deal yourself back into the game of life. With roles (for the most part) you deal everyone else a winning hand, but don't even deal yourself in the game.

A role becomes a block against grace reaching you. Commitment, or giving yourself fully, would resolve this.

by Chuck Spezzano from The Enlightenment Pack. Copyright Spezzano Associates.

Problems like this can be easily resolved with a Coaching session with Pam, either one-to-one or on the phone. See Coaching page>

A workshop is also the ideal place to worth through issues with family as the group helps your process. FREE TELESEMINARS are an introduction to Pam's work >